Cody, Why are you here?

In the Winning with ADHD Podcast, Aaron Hansen, shares a story about a boy named Cody at the White Pines Middle School. Check out this episode here and read about the story below.

“I had this young man who ended up in office, I talk about this young man a lot, but I never use his real name. But I call him Cody, I knew him really well. He's what I like to call a frequent flyer in the office. You got like, points and stuff, or how often he's been. So but he, he was sitting in this system, principal's office, and I knew him really well, I'd worked really hard to create a relationship with him specifically. And I knew his background, I knew his family or a lot of problems. DCFS had been involved. The whole deal and he’s sitting there in the office, obviously, because he was he was in trouble. Like he'd been kicked out of his class. It was apparent I pulled him into my office, I had this conversation. I said, Cody, why are you here, man? Like, what? Why are you here? And he was in eighth grade, you know, 14 years old, and and I said, you know, why? Why are you here? What do you what do you? How do you How come you got kicked out of class. And he sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and he said, I don't know. Teacher doesn't like me. And I was like, Okay, I said, Cody, did you do anything? He's like, I don't know, teacher just doesn't. I said, Okay, so I walked down the hall, just a couple doors down to his math intervention class is an additional class and additional math class. In addition to his regular math class. I went into the this teacher's classroom and I said, and the moment I walked in, I could feel the tension. Right? I just feel it. And I walked up to her and I said, Hey, Cody's in the office, there's no paperwork, like, How come is there what's going on? And she looked at me, she put her hands on her hips, and she pointed at me. And there's like me, I'm uh, I'm really patient for the most part, but there's one thing I just don't like in this world. That's like when That's when I get pointed out. So she pointed at me. So she pointed at me and she said, Aaron, do you see all these boys here? I looked. And sure enough, there's what most people would consider to be at risk boys, right sitting there. She said, Cody's currency is all about making them laugh. And I'm trying my darndest to get these kids to learn what they need to learn. But I care way more about their learning than they do. And I feel like I'm pulling teeth. She said, I just needed a break. Wow. And I said, okay, okay, right. I put my hands up in surrender. And I walked back by this time, I'm a little bit irritated, because I knew Cody, and I knew what his potential was. See, because Cody smart. He really is. He's got so much potential. But how many times have I had this conversation with him right? Over the years, and in our school for over two years. So I walk in, and I'm like I said, I'm a little bit irritated. At that point, I sit down, you know, and he's not even nervous about being in the principal. He's like, Can I have a piece of your candy? I'm like, No, you can’t. Right. Right. He’s not even nervous, you know? So he's sitting there, and I'm like, Cody, why are you here? Why are you here? So I started to kind of fuss at him a little bit. And finally, he kind of sat up in his chair, and are and I thought to myself in that moment, I thought, well, good, at least I'm going to get some reaction out of you. Right? Right. I'll never forget this moment. Heather. This is like, this moment transformed my life seriously. He looked at me, and he pointed at me. And he said, he said, Mr. Hansen, what does it matter? And I said, What do you mean, Cody? What do you mean? Right? And he said, cuz I'm never getting out of here. Yeah, it was, it was a moment. And I sat there with it for just a moment. And I was speechless. I really was. Because I knew what he meant. See, the moment like the moment wasn't lost. I mean, I knew what he actually meant. It wasn't I never get down to math intervention, what he really meant was, I'm never getting out of my crappy life.

Guys, this story almost brought me to tears. When you listen to the episode you’ll hear my response about how my daughter Emily had a very similar response. She felt trapped and unable to do anything to change her situation. I think everyone has had a situation at one point in their life, at least, where they felt like there was nothing they could do to make a change…they feel hopeless. Check out our next blog post on how to use a reflective conversation to help someone to see how their action impact their future.